The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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