hotel room ftw
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
