I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
