so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
