sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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