the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
