i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
