Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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