hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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