Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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