U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
