don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
