let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
