So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
