1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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