I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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