My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
