i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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