my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
