I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize