So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
