bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
