For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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