some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
