we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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