I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
