mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
