Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
