i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
