There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think my moral compass just broke
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
