i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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