ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
