margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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