So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
