i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
