I'm eating all of the evidence.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
