How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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