Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize