wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
