I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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