So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Can I color on your dick again?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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