I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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