He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize