it hurts more in the daytime
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
