It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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