ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
