She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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