update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
