He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
