Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
