Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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