So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
How does one acquire holy water?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
