I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
