We won't sleep together?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
