He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
