girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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