She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
