take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
