Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
