Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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