my mouth tastes like poor choices
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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