dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
