totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
