I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
