OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
