This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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