I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
