even my farts smell like vagina
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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